Ladies it’s Time to Chill.

Time of incident on Instagram: 

Tuesday August 11, 2015  11:14 P.M 

This was my face…

  

 And this was my caption…

“Lessons on how to come at/to/for me: 

1. DO NOT! 

– Unless YOU have already stated your name and occupation. Lmao, alright just your name and association to the subject matter, otherwise you will be dismissed and forwarded to the person that I THINK you’re actually looking for. Why? Because, I don’t know you, therefore I don’t owe you anything. 

Sure, she wasn’t necessarily rude and she didn’t come off nasty, but let’s not pretend or be naive about what she was really asking me – “who are you and are you sleeping with him?” Depending on the person some people will be offended, me, this put me off. So, ladies, if you ever want to inquire about the relationships that I have with any of my male FRIENDS, or if you ever feel you want/need to ask any other woman for that matter, this is how it should go…

“Hi, my name is (insert name), and I am so and so’s (insert relationship status). Woman to woman, I noticed (insert “questionable” evidence) and was just concerned/curious to know, what is the extent of y’all’s relationship?” 

Easy. Simple. I will respect you 100% for your inquiry as it was honest, amicable, and to the point. All this without seeming nosey or subliminally accusatory. THAT ^^^ is what will warrant a legitimate prompt response from most women, REGUARDLESS of the fact that your insecurities should be taken up with the mutual GUY in question. 

But, FYI!!!! POR LOS CHICAS LOCAS, I don’t sleep with my friends. 👍🏽👍🏽😚😉 so, adios, y que tengas un buen día!”

Why write this? I just think it is important for women to know how to approach other women. Even though truthfully, if you suspect your man of lying, cheating, stealing, or anything faulty under the sun, that is supposed to be between you and your man. Seriously, women really need to stop pressing, questioning and accusing the other woman in question. Even if she is fully aware that the guy in question is in a relationship, it was YOUR MAN that stepped out on you. YOUR MAN that betrayed you. YOUR MAN that entertained this OTHER woman. Women too often forget that the other woman does not owe us anything as we are as much of a stranger to her, as she is to us, so approach YOUR MAN. 

“But men lie…” This is very true, but ladies, so can/do the other women. Besides, you can’t just approach people with guns blazing and expect them to give you any insight on their life or the other people involved in it. So, if you must approach the other women, if that is what will make you feel better, or validate the feelings of catching him, do so kindly, appropriately and respectfully. Conduct yourselves like you were applying for a job, because in that moment that is exactly what you’re doing. You’re filling out an application to be on the who the **** are you show, because YOU’RE supposed to be his girlfriend. So stop hating the other woman, stop embarrassing yourself,  and start directing your focus on the not so monagomous situation you’re in… with YOUR guy in question.

~ Let’s Take Beauty From Ashes

In honor of Prelo White – A True Artist.

It is no secret that this life is thoroughly {substitute for desired word} messed up. Racism and prejudices tear us all down; an African American boy got jumped for making the honor roll. An African American college professor got arrested for j-walking. A Caucasian woman minding her own business with her child, got jumped for walking through a predominantly black project area. White male cops are looked at as the enemy. Homosexuals are still beaten for being different. The heavy set girl doesn’t get the secretarial position because she doesn’t FIT the description for male objectification, and people no longer respect the differences in religious values. ..

So, life isn’t easy, and for a lot of us life doesn’t seem fair. So in a world with as many challenges as these; color, race, appeal, status, money and so much more, it is important to remind each other of our strengths, support and appreciation.  It is important to remember and acknowledge people like Prelo White.

Prelo White, a local artist from Brooklyn, has opened up the doors for so many other artists to grow and prosper. First, through her positivity and desire to be more concerned with people’s accomplishments, rather than promoting trending negativity, she reminds people that there is still beauty to be admired in such a corrupt world. Second, through her dedication and ambition she has overcome trials and tribulations to create…

Her own t-shirt line…

 
To start her own company…

 

And to launch her own website that allows for unlimited networking, features, and collaborations between artist. Find the website here:

http://bit.ly/1sGClBC

It is inspiration at its finest. I write this because maybe if we could all be a little more like Prelo White, maybe we would stop puling out our phones to record a beat down as opposed to running to get help. I write this because maybe if we were all a little more dedicated to nurturing our craft like Prelo White, maybe we would be too busy to hate each other. I write this because maybe if we could all be a little more like Prelo White, maybe we would stop watching, envying and idolizing celebrities for all their successes, and start investing into our own future, and chasing after our own success. I write this because maybe if we could be a little more like Prelo White, ethnicity, color, social status and appearances wouldn’t matter anymore. Through an artist’s eyes what you do with your life, what you make of your life, what you aspire to be, that is what defines you. 

Words for Prelo…

“Something valuable I learned from Prelo, we artists are opportunists, and our journey is more important than our destination. That is why, instead of looking through a superficial lens, we can find beauty in the making, the molding and the hands that are trying to build something.”

~Leigh

“Lauren White is one of the people who rekindled my passion for the arts. If it weren’t for her, my life would be a lot more gray today.”

~Sajari

“Well I met “Prelo” (caprice white) in 2008. We worked together at MKTG Inc. In east Islip. I’d be remiss if I didn’t say she taught me a lot. Some good, some not so good lol. I was something of an introvert. I was very passive and kinda wanted to keep everyone happy. The biggest thing I learned from Prelo is that you can’t make everyone happy hell they have to make themselves happy and so do I. We’ve come a long way me, Dre, Impz, cj and Prelo. We know what love, loyalty and friendship is and the corner stone of that bond is pre. The reality is I watched a girl from east new York Brooklyn decide her own fate. I watched her dream become her reality by her own hands and knew that there was nothing I couldn’t do. There were no longer any excuses, she had all the chips stacked against her and yet she is the woman she envisioned herself as. I mean if that doesn’t inspire you, you can’t want much lol.”

~Jessica

….In honor of Prelo White, thank you for being a role model, for being a friend, a true artist, and so much more.

~Let’s Take Beauty From Ashes. 

Vaginas Can’t Win.

Now that I have your attention, I recently read this article about a woman who was assaulted at the Brooklyn Bridge/City Hall subway stop on a Saturday afternoon. Apparently she was ignoring some guy making inappropriate advances on her, which at first only resulted in him choosing to spit on her. WOAH BRO, as disgusting and disrespectful as that is, in the article it is reported that the woman just laughed it off, because, I mean, who really acts like that? Like, come on dude, really? Grow up.  Now, I don’t know if it was the laughing, or the consistent dismissive “I don’t care about you” attitude, even after he spit on her that lead him to pull out a knife and slice her one good time on the arm before fleeing the station. Was he caught? I don’t know, but she is ok. 

Truthfully, this was a small eye opener. Had this been me, dude probably would have stabbed me 10 times over.

I would have been rolling my eyes…

 
Flaring nostrils…

 
My face would have been all the way turned up…

 
Then when he would have spit on me, Lord take the wheel…

 
I can only imagine that I would have unleashed all the venom that I thought I threw away on this quest to become a better person, only to be cut short once he started slicing me up. Bye bye, Leigh, you should have kept your mouth shut. Oh wait, because the woman kept quiet and still got sliced. So, what is the appropriate thing to do? Should women accept the unwanted attention? 

Listen, I am just trying not to die, get raped, or end up in court at this point. Just like if I get pulled over by a cop, best believe I will be looking like this… 

 
I will have all officers thinking I caught rigor mortis only to start asking questions like, “would you like my hands to go up now? Should they go up simultaneously, or would you like to see my hands go up consecutively? I am just trying to help you help me stay alive.” 

Ok, all jokes aside, what’s a vagina to do? I mean, if we accept a cat caller’s attention to stroke their ego, we are leading them on. If we acknowledge their inappropriate, or “appropriate” compliments, we are encouraging them -which will come back to bite us in the rear, bringing down the whole house of cards because they THINK, that we are ok with what is happening. That is until we flip the script, “oh, um, I was just trying to be polite.” Oh what’s that? Another assault victim?

Damned if we do, damned if we don’t. Women are jerks because we ignore guys, and women are jerks if we thank guys for the compliments. So again, what’s a vagina to do? Again, I am  just trying to stay alive out here. Just trying to not to get assaulted. Just trying to stay out of court because it will be my fault. If a girl gets raped these days, that is her fault too. “Why was she dressed like that?” “She knew what she was doing dancing like that.” “It is not my fault that I caught an uncontrollable erection after looking at her covered, but obviously big breasts and decided I would not control myself.” 

  

Done. 

*Lets Take Beauty From Ashes*

The Board of “Trustees”

Here’s a fun topic, “the inner circle.” The inner circle that a lot of people will refer to as their “best friends” whom they trust with their lives. Common misconception, maybe?

What if I told you that your inner circle is not composed of your best friends, and that it is more like a group of strategically assembled characters? I mean, let’s be honest, what is a friend if not an accessory to life? Friendships are not really accidents, they are planned events. Some people are, and will only ever be as relevant as what they are good for. For example, the one you only invite to social gatherings because they’re a party starter. The one you only see under more intimate settings to tickle your fancy. How about the one that you purposefully keep around, only to make you feel better about yourself?  

Honestly, it is in our human nature to compete. If not to compete, then to use people to our advantage. Not that everyone does it on purpose, but relationships are like one big game of chess. Where can I move you to help me win? How can I use you for my gain or to help bring my dreams to fruition?  Yeah the way that sounds, I wouldn’t want to admit that either, but a lot of us do it. We need different characters to operate as stabilizers. People, “friends,” to make living life a little easier. Case in point, #Networking 

So here is a theory of the “make-up” of the inner circle… 

First, you keep the one you trust the most especially close to you. This is the equalizer, the one you trust to tell you the truth about yourself. The one you expect to be there without judgement. Second, you have the one you know you can always count on to make you laugh and have a good time. The one you drag to parties and social gatherings. The one that is most likely plastered all over social media. Next, you have the one  you count on to have your back if things ever get a little reckless. This one never receives much face time, but is the one you can always call on during a scandal. The one who is not afraid to get their hands dirty. Then, you have some filler faces. No explanation needed. Lastly, there is the one you think you’re better than. The one who just isn’t quite up to speed with the rest of the group. The one who’s  life seems to have plateaued. The one that you keep tabs on the most as you use their failures as motivation to always stay ahead of something.  

In conclusion, this is just my opinion based on what I have seen.  We all have an inner circle, but this wasn’t about your personal inner circle, nor was it about mine. This was about where we fall in others inner circles. So, how well do you know your inner circle, or circles? Where do you fall in this game of chess? 

Retail – Real Tales

Unfortunately, I have had the pleasure to work in retail for six years as a sales associate. Why!? It’s a career move, and per my career objective, it will be beneficial to me later to have acquired the on sight experience. Still, you would think by now I’d be in management or something right?

I am an aspiring visual merchandiser/fashion merchandiser. Merchandising is something I have a passion for, and styling/interior design is something I am just naturally good at. However, at this point in time I am only a sales associate specifically hired to work on visual teams. I love it, I am not directly responsible for helping needy customers. The visual team is responsible for in store marketing and the stores overall presentation. It is very hands on. We are constantly moving as we have to be conscientious of trend, aesthetic, and where the popular items have the most potential to sell best. We do all this, while trying to respect the master concept book provided to us by our creative director – which is who I am aiming to be no later than 35.

Could I be a manager? Should I try to become one? There is absolutely no desire to become a manager while I wait to earn my masters degree. Why? If you have ever worked in retail, then you would know. Managers are tasked with impossible contradictory rules and regulations. Basically customer “concerns,” i.e “give me what I want for free, or I’ll complain to headquarters.” Yeah no, that position is not for me. I love being able to pass the torch when ridiculous situations arise.

For Example:
1. Can I return a bag I bought in April? ( … This is January though.)

2. I found this sweater on the clearance rack, but I was informed that this sweater is actually full price. Can I still have it at a discounted price?

3. So, I know that the policy is that the shoes have to be unworn and returned within 60 days, but I didn’t know that they would give me blisters until I actually wore them outside. I have the receipt. (But the receipt is dated seven months ago, so it took you seven months to realize that these shoes hurt your feet?)

Sigh, managers are responsible for the employees, that do not always show up, as well as responsible for the mandatory happiness of the “valued” customers. Managers are tasked with the conflicting job of respecting and enforcing store policies, while trying to avoid customer complaints. THIS IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE! Which is ALSO why managers are instructed to be lenient as to avoid a “situation,” with needy customers. We all have our limits, enabling selfish, greedy, and scam worthy customers is mine. So, sales associate, here I come until graduation day.

*Lets Take Beauty From Ashes*

When Two Different Worlds Meet.

10 Tips on Dating a Professional When You’re Not a Professional.

When thinking about a professional dating a nonprofessional, I picture some successful CEO from midtown Manhattan dating a local aspiring artist – let’s say a photographer from Brooklyn. So, suits, fancy shoes, alarm clocks and grapefruits for breakfast meets combat boots, plaid button downs, beanies and Cap’n Crunch cereal? Yeah… I imagine there would be an immeasurable amount of concerns between the two of them; can this really work? Are we too different? Am I really only supposed to eat grapefruits for breakfast? My answers; yes, no, and that is up to you. But here are some tips for navigating the minefield that is dating your opposite.

Tip 1: Solidify The Friendship.

Break the walls of conventionalism and find a FRIEND in your partner. Someone who you can laugh about anything with. For example, if you guys are at home having a date night and you accidentally break wind, you know you have a friend around if he/she lifts up one hip to break wind with you. Laughter will help you mix worlds.

Tip 2: Always Stand Eye Level.

Now this may seem hard for the vertically challenged, like me, but rest easy as I meant intellectually. It isn’t as important to have a multitude of things in common as it is to be able to level with, and mentally stimulate your partner. Dismantle society’s idea of the artist being lost on things outside of art.

Tip 3: Always Have A Working Smart Phone.

I think this one is fairly obvious – you need a working smart phone so that you can Google or dictionary.com your way through the terms you may not be too familiar with after overhearing your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s conference call. This way, when he/she re-enters the room you can compliment them on their remarkable business acumen while having learned something new.

Tip 4: Develop A Signature Line Of Communication.

Every relationship needs to develop their personal line of communication. Something like a ritual, action, or phrase. For example, my ex and I used to go in and out of “role playing,” for a lack of a better term. I would become “The Papa,” and he became “The Shipoopie.” Nothing kinky, it was just the way we knew we could always reach other emotionally. Our whole demeanor changed, we wore scowls on our faces and started talking through our teeth in low key growling sounds. It was so natural we were caught multiple times in public by my best friend who hadn’t the foggiest idea what we where doing, but I guess that’s the point.

Tip 5: Seek to Understand, Not to Agree.

Disagreeing does not mean you’ve lost your connection, it means you’re still your own person with your own mind. In a situation where a power struggle could manifest due to the differences in financial stability – which is more or less a result of personal choices – having your own mind means you still have something to offer. You are an artist by choice, not because you couldn’t cut it in Corporate America.

Tip 6: Don’t Drop The Soap.

Usually you hear this phrase on your way to prison, but it applies here as well. Think of the soap as your passion, and dropping that means dropping your world. As an artist, you have the gift of wonder and opportunity. Use that to ignite a sense euphoria, and paint each other the way your souls paint your passion.

Tip 7: Become The Clock Thief.

In Corporate America, life is a slave to time. You have a day full of schedules, deadlines and penciled-in bathroom breaks. So when he/she is with you, become the clock thief and hide every clock in sight. Intercept time’s punctual arrival and show him/her how to capture the beauty of every moment, as moments know no schedule. Make your professional fall in love with the world through an artist’s eye.

Tip 8: Taste The Rainbow.

Take some time to play in the life of your professional. Try on a suit and tie and model as you hand him/her your camera. Being different is a great thing. It gives you the opportunity to always try something new. It gives you the excuse to play dress up no matter what age.

Tip 9: Make The Bucket List.

Where opposites attract, new discoveries are bound to surface. Make a bucket list of all the things you want see him/her to do, and have him/her make a bucket list of all the things they want to see you do. Be creative and be daring, this experiment could very well bring about “A Happy Ending.”

Tip 10: Respect The Hustle.

We all come from strength and struggle – whether that is losing your suit at the dry cleaners, developing corns and blisters from stiff shoes, or running out of film and breaking your lens – you both know about the struggle to pave the way to your success and with that, you have more in common than you think. So every now and then, tilt your head to the side, purse your lips and fold your arms to pay homage to each other with the G-Nod.

~Let’s take beauty from ashes.

Double Standards?

I love comparing different lifestyles by gender. Topic one, #AlexFromTarget. This is an interesting story about a teenage boy who, in a matter of a week, became the new Twitter and Instagram sensation. Alex’s life changed in a matter of all 15 seconds over one photo: one photo that some girl creepily snapped on her phone while he was bagging groceries at target.

Great, cool, enjoy your 15 minutes, Alex.

My question is, was this an invasion of privacy? Or a reason to feel an overwhelming sense of flattery? Which leads me to my second topic regarding this Hollaback movement. The Hollaback movement that aspires to stop street harassment that objectifies women, recently shared a video that went viral. The video shows a woman walking around NYC for ten hours, while receiving nonstop catcalls that would make anyone a little, if not very, uncomfortable.

Of course there was a flood of mixed reviews. There were people who were supporting the movement, and then there were people blaming women telling them they do it to themselves because of how they dress. Well, did Alex bring all this attention on himself too? Was he dressed provocatively in his work uniform?  On a serious note, is no one going to consider these situations similar? And is no one going to talk about the little girl who creepily took the picture in the first place? Between Alex and this woman, are they both not being objectified, or is it not the case because – wait for it – he’s a guy? 

People want to bring awareness to the unwanted and arguably inappropriate attention that every female is bound to face just for having female body parts, but no one saw anything wrong with this girl snapping a photo without Alex’s consent? No one saw a problem with this minor’s face being plastered all over social media? Where are all the feminists for Alex? I guess there’s no reason to fight for Alex because if he doesn’t feel like a victim… I guess he is not victimized. So I guess it’s not actually about the actions itself, but about what makes more noise, because if you’re going to fight for a “cause,” than you’ve made it your responsibility to fight for “the cause.” An extreme, but relevant example, whether the rape victim enjoyed themselves or not, there is still a rapist on the loose. Just saying.

…

By the way, a week later I came across a video that two men made to show that men are also subject to street harassment. Is this relevant or irrelevant? You tell me.

*Lets Take Beauty From Ashes*

Fast Food Horror.

What should we expect from the fast food industry? I guess nothing but fast “food.”

Ok America, there is definitely an ART to making food, and with that being said, I have recently decided to cut back on the consumption of fast food. Specifically from McDonald’s.

Exhibit A: The McDonald’s breakfast oatmeal; something that should resemble thick creamy goodness.

…

How perplexing do you think it is to make INSTANT oatmeal, and how difficult would you expect it to be for the McDonald’s employees? I mean,
the packets come equipped with detailed, step-by-step instructions on the back, so there is NO skill required. Ok, maybe someone was just having a bad day, let’s try this again.

…

I tell ya, as a “valued customer” I got no respect. I didn’t think I was asking too much just ordering an oatmeal for breakfast, but perhaps I was pushing it when I asked them to remake it. “Excuse me ma’am, hi, there is hardly any water in this one. May I have another?”

….
All I wanted was some hot, thick and creamy oatmeal for breakfast, but these McDonald’s employees have zero respect for the people consuming their food, and ZERO chill buttons!! I can’t even have a good lunch!

…. And against my better judgement, I ate this burger. My punishment came down later.

… OK GUESS WHAT!

Dear McDonald’s associates, I dislike you with great intensity, but I thank you for showing me the light. Thank you for ruining my mornings with your sorry excuse for a breakfast oatmeal. Thank you for lying to me with your ads, and lastly, thank you for trying to poison me with your burgers – leaving me with a bad case of embarrassing bubble guts, the contents of which forcefully excused itself from my body in a public restroom. I will most certainly never forget you, and neither will that child in the stall next to me. Such sounds and smells should never come out of the human body.

Farewell.

~Let’s Take Beauty From Ashes.

 

Shaking-My-Head.

So, how about the awkward, “no pun intended,” moments…

One evening at the supermarket, my friend and I were discussing her recital and how grueling dress rehearsals can be. We were in aisle 2, when this lady came up behind us and inserted her thoughts. She was a former dancer and became a dance instructor. She shared that she too had had an exhausting week preparing her class for their end of the year recital.

Ready to move to the next aisle, I said, “well, good luck with your production, and tell your team to break a leg!” The lady’s facial expression immediately dropped, and I swear the lights flickered like I had just stepped onto the set of a very predictable horror movie. My eyes widened and my friend gently grabbed my elbow like she was also awaiting our untimely demise. After about a solid 15 seconds of blank staring, the lady hiked up her pants leg with a grimace. Showing off her prosthetic leg she said, “already did that.”

What do you even say after that? “No pun intended?” I mean, how was I supposed to know! Sigh, enough said.

~Lets Take Beauty From Ashes.</

Post Break-up Revelations.

After any break-up, you know that you can always depend on that group of people made up of family, friends, and your gossip buddies from work, to tell you that he/she didn’t know what they had. Personally, I refuse to use this line in my efforts to bring comfort any longer. This is a generic line that I feel is commonly overused out of obligation. Moreover, as a friend or family member, I believe I should be able to come up with something more uplifting and personable. Plus, there is the fact that this statement is not always true. So allow me to say what most people won’t…

To the single, or broken-hearted – what did you bring to your relationship? Were you mentally stimulating, inspirational, and appealing? Were you growing as a person, and how much respect did you have for yourself? Check your reality – what are your accomplishments, what are goals, what is the plan for your future, and what are you actively doing to put that plan in motion? Whether you did the dumping, or you were the one that got dumped, is he/she really missing out on a good thing? People need to realize that they’re not always something worth fighting for, or something people should regret leaving behind. Maybe he/she knew EXACTLY what they had – hence, the separation, or the indifference to the separation. Take some responsibility for your actions or the lack thereof, and then tell me why you should be missed.

To the friends, family, and gossip work buddies – honestly, I don’t think anyone is ever thrilled to be the person entrusted with all the ambiguous emotions that follow after a break-up. And I get it, becoming responsible for someone else’s vulnerability is a pretty nerve wracking thought. No one wants to be THAT person that says the wrong thing to someone already standing on the ledge. However, that is all the more reason to consider what we’re saying before we say it. When in the position to console and be uplifting, that is the moment to be honest, and that is the opportunity to inspire growth. Stop being lazy, stop coddling people, and stop lying. Think of something constructive as well as up-lifting.

Dear readers,
I share this COMPLETELY humbled as I had to give myself the same reality check from both ends.

~Let’s Take Beauty From Ashes.